Is your relationship in good condition?

[Kwang- yong Song, a teacher and essayist] Novelist Haruki Murakami had so many favorite T-shirts that he published a book of prose titled “Murakami T” with the absence of “My Love T-shirts.” The collection of T-shirts is grouped into three or four themes, including articles on how the T-shirts were obtained and what stories were intertwined with them. I couldn’t collect a huge collection of T-shirts like Haruki, but many T-shirts passed through my body. Some of them were so enthusiastic that they wore them until their necks were stretched out, and some of them were so bad that they tried to find the same thing.

My favorite T-shirt was a bonded short-sleeved shirt with an umbrella on it. When I was in my late 20s and early 30s, I used to wear them when I wanted to make a comfortable impression in front of people who wanted to look good. When my girlfriend, who later became my wife, told me to stop wearing the T-shirt, I was a little shocked. I couldn’t say, “I wore this T-shirt in front of you because I wanted to look that good.”

Like this, each T-shirt that passed through my body has a small story. Each story has its own story, but one of the conclusions it sends and sends in many T-shirts is this. There is no eternal T-shirt.

Many things change as you grow older. Body, thoughts, tastes change. Among them, T-shirts are one of the things that clearly change. The size of the long-held T-shirt changed last year. My body slowly changed from size 100 to size 105. It was at the beginning of summer, when I took out the short-sleeved shirt I wore the previous year, that I found I had crossed the line of size. The memory of wearing it comfortably still lingers, which has now been replaced by pressure. I look at myself in the mirror. Oh, that scared me. Is it reduced because of the wrong laundry? A T-shirt with tight tension was revealing the small waves and curves of my body.

Whether you’re fat or growing up, body changes are cruel to the T-shirt. Once crossed the border, all previous-sized T-shirts must be discarded or left home. It is to be like a prisoner of war who is not subject to the Geneva Convention. I sighed as I shopped for a new size T-shirt. What did time do to my body? Even though I blame the years, the change in size since I became an adult results in self-reflection.

A metaphor for a T-shirt that doesn’t fit.

T-shirts are not only a catalyst for body changes, they are also a metaphor for important changes in life. When you look at a T-shirt that has been stretched, frayed, and out of shape, it reminds you of past relationships.

Like a T-shirt that once caught my body, the relationship with people who were very close at some time and who shared their minds becomes at some point and becomes unbecoming. The changes slowly continue, and then you suddenly realize that you have crossed the line. Maybe I feel that moment more often because I’m a bit careless, introverted, and timid in contacting someone.

On such a day, you get a little lonely. While I’m paying attention to something else, I find that some of the good people have been moved to a folder called “The Past” inside me, and some to a folder called “The Weak Connection.” The fact is also painful. The friendship that seemed to remain unchanged forever, the favors that were supportive at some time, the feelings of love that had created a rift in my heart, the healthy neighbors and colleagues who had always surrounded me. It’s hard to accept, but these aren’ Like a T-shirt.

Just as the categories of T-shirts to wear become narrower, fewer people are able to date. Just as my figure changes and my clothes get worn out over the years, I think it’s natural for me to be like a T-shirt that doesn’t fit me anymore.

We need both strong and weak connections

American sociologist Dr. Granoveter published an interesting paper, The Power of Weak Connectivity, in 1973. In this paper, empirical studies are presented on how people who have moved to find out about their new jobs. The numbers were more than twice as high as those found through weak connections. This shows that in terms of sharing new information, weakly connected people can be of greater help.

The information held by people in a strongly connected, intimate relationship often overlaps with the information I have. However, people with weak connections often belong to communities that do not belong to me, so there is a high probability of having new information and that part is beneficial to my life.

My experience also conforms to an example of the empirical study. I’m a teacher, but I’m also a writer. Few of the people who helped me write and opened a new door belong to the category of strong connections. It was the same when I first wrote a newspaper column, and I was able to publish a book because of the goodness of the precious people who are holding their hands loosely.

It may be impossible to keep all relationships strong in the first place. No matter how bitter the relationship has changed over time. Those who have led to strong connections make us happy and take care of the wounds we get in our daily lives. The people in the folder “weak links” help us in another way and create new possibilities in our lives.

Whenever I wear a T-shirt, I will feel that strong or loosely connected people are still around me. And one day, I may be less lonely to accept the fact that the people I connect to stay with and leave.

[This article is an automatic translation by Naver Korea’s automatic translation system “Papago” using artificial intelligence (AI).]